In Wives and Moms of Long Island’s monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think – how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
I am 6 months pregnant and my husband and I went out with some friends for dinner. They decided to go out to a bar after and I was really tired and wanted to just go home. He didn’t want to leave and insisted I go home alone without him. I think it’s weird and that we should leave together. I am so annoyed by him – am I overreacting?
Signed,
Ditched for Friends
Dear Ditched for Friends,
I can understand wanting to go home together with your spouse, but I think in this instance you’re overreacting. If you were feeling ill, I can see why it would be important that your husband leave with you. But if you were just tired and able to get home safely on your own, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for your husband to stay out and enjoy time with your friends.
That being said, I also think you should discuss the situation with your husband. You said that you think it’s “weird,” and that as a married couple you “should leave together.” I would dig a little deeper on that — what specifically is weird about it? What about it annoys you? Would you feel differently if you weren’t pregnant? I think these are important questions to ask yourself in order to get to the root of your opinions.
If they stem from issues of trust or feeling like a priority, communicate those ideas to your husband. It’s worth it to talk through now and come to a mutual understanding of each other’s position, so that you have a plan in place should this scenario happen again. It’s important that you feel safe and supported in your marriage, but it’s also important that your husband feels fulfilled in his social life.
There are a few options for compromise here that can be put into place for the future. Maybe he escorts you home, but then goes back out once you’ve settled in for the night. Or he stays out, but texts you every hour. You could even join your friends at the bar for just one drink before heading out together. There are several ways to handle this situation that will leave both of you satisfied.