In Wives and Moms of Long Island’s monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think – how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
My husband and I have started trying to conceive and we discussed that he’d decrease his drinking during my fertile weeks, since it could affect the quality and quantity of his sperm. He has not been following what we decided and it’s really irritating me. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to do, from taking vitamins, not drinking myself, and eating healthy and he can’t even commit to this one thing. Am I overreacting?
Signed,
Trying for a baby
Dear Trying for a baby,
No, you’re not overreacting.
Unfortunately, getting pregnant can be tricky sometimes. Things like alcohol and drug use can impact not only your chances of conceiving at all, but also your chances of carrying a healthy baby to term. And as you mentioned, that’s on both of you – sperm quality and quantity is a huge factor in getting and staying pregnant.
There are some pretty big red flags here. You said that you both agreed he would “decrease” his drinking during your fertile weeks. I’m going to assume that means not cutting out alcohol altogether, but simply cutting back on the amount. Being unwilling (or unable) to drink less could be a sign of alcohol addiction, especially since we’re talking about a limited time frame. How often is he drinking, and how much? Has his alcohol use been an issue in the past? Has it impacted your relationship in other ways? These are important questions to ask yourself as you move forward. It may be worthwhile to sit down with him again and express your concerns – obviously in relation to your pregnancy journey, but also in relation to his mental and physical health.
I’ll also note here that it takes around 3 months for men to produce new sperm, so cutting back on alcohol for only a week or two is unlikely to make a huge difference. If he wants to affect his sperm quality and quantity, then he should be seriously limiting his alcohol intake for at least 90 days.
This may be a hard conversation to have with him, but it’s crucial that you do it now – before there is a baby in the picture. Babies bring so much happiness but also some significant stress, and you’ll both need to have healthy outlets and coping mechanisms when the time comes.