In Wives and Moms’ monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think — how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
My mother‑in‑law insists that we come to her house for everything. We’re the only ones with small kids, and it’s a hassle to pack up the diaper bag, snacks, toys and everything else every time she wants to see us. When we invite her to our house instead, she gets annoyed and makes it a whole issue. I don’t mind going there once in a while, but expecting us to go to her every single time feels ridiculous and honestly a little selfish. Am I overreacting?
Signed,
Tired of Packing the Car
Dear Tired of Packing the Car,
You’re not overreacting. What you’re describing isn’t about avoiding your mother‑in‑law — it’s about what’s realistic for a family with small children. Anyone who has ever tried to leave the house with little kids knows it’s practically a military operation. The packing, the timing, the meltdowns, the car seats… it’s a lot. Wanting to minimize that chaos isn’t unreasonable; it’s practical.
It also sounds like the real frustration isn’t the occasional visit to her house, but the expectation that it always has to be on her terms. When you offer an alternative that would make life easier for your family and she reacts with annoyance, that puts you in an unfair position. Relationships, especially family ones, work best when there’s some give and take. Right now, it seems like all the “give” is coming from you.
It may also help to loop your husband into the conversation in a meaningful way. This is his mother, and sometimes hearing concerns from him, calmly and directly, can land differently. You’re not asking him to “fix” anything, but it’s reasonable to expect him to support the boundaries that make life easier for your family. Even something as simple as him saying, “It’s too much for us to pack up the kids every time. Why don’t you come here this weekend?” can shift the dynamic and show her that this isn’t just your preference, it’s a shared decision.
A calm, honest conversation may help. Something like, “We love seeing you, but it’s really hard for us to pack up the kids every time. It would help so much if visits could alternate.” Framing it as a family need rather than a complaint can make it easier for her to hear.
But if she still refuses to come to your home and insists that the only acceptable way to see her is by uprooting your entire household, then this becomes less about logistics and more about boundaries. You’re allowed to say, “We can’t come every time. If you’d like to see the kids this week, you’re welcome to come here.” That’s not rude, it’s simply setting a reasonable limit.
Wanting balance doesn’t make you dramatic, selfish or difficult. It makes you a parent trying to protect your time, your energy and your sanity. And that’s more than fair.
Wonder if you’re overreacting? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com to be featured!