Getting a divorce can be stressful. Finding the right attorney shouldn’t be.
No one walks down the aisle imagining they’ll one day be searching for a divorce attorney. But life changes, people grow and sometimes the healthiest choice is to go your separate ways. When that moment comes, speaking with a divorce attorney can help you understand your options, protect your interests and get clarity on what the process actually looks like. Whether you’re just beginning to consider separation or you’re already in the thick of it, here are the key questions to ask a divorce attorney so you can move forward feeling informed, supported and empowered.
First Consultation
When you first separate, it’s completely normal to feel unsure about where to begin. Many attorneys and mediators offer a free initial consultation, giving you a low‑pressure opportunity to gather information. This is your chance to ask foundational questions, understand your options, and get a sense of whether this professional is the right fit for you.
Questions to Ask
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What are my options for moving forward — mediation, collaborative divorce or litigation?
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Based on what I’ve shared, what do you see as the biggest priorities or challenges in my case?
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How long does the divorce process typically take in situations like mine?
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What documents or information should I start gathering now?
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What should I expect in the first few weeks after filing or beginning mediation?
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Do you foresee any immediate steps I should take to protect myself or my children?
MORE: I Just Decided to Leave My Spouse — What’s Next?
When You’re Ready to Hire a Divorce Attorney
Once you know you’ll need legal representation, it’s important to understand exactly how an attorney works, what they charge and how they communicate. Hiring the right person can make the entire process feel more manageable, so this is the time to get clear on expectations.
Questions to Ask
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How do you structure your fees — hourly rate, retainer or flat fees for certain services?
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How often will we communicate, and what’s the best way to reach you if something urgent comes up?
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Who else in your office will be working on my case, and what are their roles?
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How do you typically approach negotiations and conflict — are you more collaborative or aggressive?
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What can I do to keep my legal costs as low as possible throughout the process?
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How many cases like mine have you handled, and what were the outcomes?
MORE: Questions to Ask: A Therapist
Throughout the Divorce Process
Once the process is underway, remember that your attorney works for you. You’re allowed — and encouraged — to ask questions, request clarification and speak up if something doesn’t feel right. Staying informed helps you feel more in control during a time that can otherwise feel unpredictable.
Questions to Ask
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Can you explain this document or step in the process in simpler terms?
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Is there anything I should be doing right now to help move things forward?
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What are the possible outcomes of this next step, and how should I prepare for each?
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How will decisions about custody, support or property division be evaluated?
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What should I do if communication with my ex becomes difficult or unproductive?
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Are there resources — therapists, financial advisors, co‑parenting tools — you recommend during this stage?
A divorce attorney is there to represent you — your needs, your goals and the future you’re working toward. While certain parts of the process, like child support, follow set guidelines in New York, there are many other areas where you can advocate for what you need, including spousal maintenance or additional support to help you regain stability. A strong attorney will guide you, fight for your best interests and make sure your voice is heard. And because the divorce process can take time (sometimes years), it’s important to give yourself permission to build new routines, lean on your support system and begin healing at your own pace. This chapter may be challenging, but with the right guidance and clarity, you can move through it with strength and confidence.