If your child is getting bullied — at school, a day care, or in any other environment — it’s important to act quickly and work towards a solution
As parents, we want to protect our children from any kind of harm. But unless we keep them totally isolated from the outside world, chances are they will face a few challenges.
We’d love to keep those challenges manageable — a school subject that’s harder to grasp, a bad baseball game, or a flubbed dance step during a recital. While we don’t want to think that our kids will be exposed to anything more serious, it does, unfortunately, happen.
If you discover that your child is getting bullied, it’s important to stay level-headed and take action immediately.
Listen to your child
It can be shocking to hear that your child is getting bullied, especially if the bullying is physical. You may feel angry, upset, and confrontational, which is completely understandable.
However, it’s vital that you remain calm. Your child will be looking to you for comfort and reassurance at this time, and while you can (and should!) express concern, you also need to be your child’s “safe harbor.”
If your suspect bullying but your child hasn’t mentioned anything, you may have to ask them outright. Again, this is not the time to be agitated or furious with the circumstances — this is the time to confront your child lovingly and rationally, and with the intent to help them.
Listening to your child is the crucial first step. Listen to how things unfolded, how the situation makes them feel, and any ideas they have or tactics they’ve used to stop the negative attention. Staying calm and listening will allow you to take the next step.
Gather information and understand specifics
In order to resolve the situation and move on in a way that protects your child, you’ll need to know the details and understand the specifics.
Again, it’s important that you remain calm. Ask your child exactly what happened, or what’s been happening repeatedly. Ask for names, dates, environments, scenarios, what led up to the bullying and what occurs after.
Gather as much information as you possibly can, so that you can start taking action.
Speak to an adult in charge
Once you’ve gotten all of the pertinent details, you’ll want to meet with the adult authority figure in charge of the environment. If your child is getting bullied at school, that can be their teacher or the principal. If it’s at practice for a sports team, speak with the head coach. If it happens during an after-school activity or other hobby, talk to the owner or adult contact. Stay calm and relay as much information as possible.
Avoid confronting the bullies’ parents or family members, unless there are no other adults involved in the situation. In that instance, be sure to keep your communication clear, controlled, and professional. It can be easy for emotions to get away from you — especially when your child is involved — and you may find that the other adult is defensive, denies the allegations, or just simply blows you off. If that happens, try to find an another adult authority figure that could step in, or consider removing your child from the environment permanently.
Work with the adults in charge to form an action plan. You’ll want to feel confident that all parties are taking this seriously and will address the situation.
Stay engaged and informed
Once the wheels are in motion, stay up-to-date with any developments or interventions. Ask for regular updates and progress reports, from both the adults in charge and your child themselves. Know how things are going, if the bullying has stopped, and how comfortable your child feels.
Even if the bullying has stopped, be sure to check in with your child at regular intervals. If the bullying resumes at any point, you’ll want to step back in immediately.
Encourage activities that build confidence
Bullying can be incredibly detrimental to a child’s mental health. Parents should not only consider counseling during this time, but also explore activities that can build a child’s confidence.
That can be martial arts, a creative pursuit, a new after-school club or hobby, or depending on their age, a part-time job. Think about the things that make your child happy, and encourage them to explore those options.
Consider alternatives
If you’ve taken the above steps and the bullying has not stopped, you may need to consider removing your child from the environment.
Obviously, that can mean lots of real-world ramifications. Taking a child out of their school isn’t easy, and they may be resistant to joining a new team or finding another activity. But in the long run, it can be the best decision. Depending on the severity of the bullying, it’s worth it to pursue alternatives than to keep your child in a place where they’re being abused.
If it comes to this point, sit down with your child and with the adult authority figures involved. Take stock of the situation, and make a determination based off of the information you have.