In Wives and Moms’ monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think — how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
My husband is totally clueless and can’t seem to dress our daughter to my standards.
For context: I work in healthcare and he works remotely, so he’s usually the one responsible for getting her to pre-school and I pick her up in the afternoons. Whenever I go to get her, I see that she’s in mismatched socks, the pants and shirts he chooses totally clash, her hair is a complete mess, or he’s put her in something that doesn’t even fit anymore.
I’ve talked to him about paying more attention when he’s picking out her outfits, but it hasn’t solved the problem. I’m embarrassed that she even walks out of the house looking the way she does. My husband thinks as long as she’s dressed appropriately for the weather, it’s okay. Am I overreacting?
Signed,
Frustrated mom
Dear Frustrated Mom,
This situation is a bit nuanced, so I’m going to do my best to break down each of the parts here. For some of the issues I don’t think you’re overreacting, but for others I do.
Let’s start with mismatched socks, and pants and shirts that clash: I totally understand wanting your kids to look put together, but at the end of the day as long as they’re covered and comfortable, I call it a win.
I also wonder how much of these choices are your husband’s as opposed to your daughter’s. Does he allow her to pick her clothes at all? Or does she put up a fight and your husband gives in, just so they can get out the door? As I hear often when it comes to parenting, “pick your battles.” Besides, it can be empowering for your daughter to choose her own outfits within reason (if that’s what’s happening here).
When it comes to her hair being a mess, or being in clothes that don’t fit…that’s where I see this as a problem.
Hair that’s not properly combed can be uncomfortable for your daughter, get in her way, or even pose a safety hazard. Same with clothes that don’t fit — what happens if her pants split on the playground? Or if her shirts keep riding up and she’s constantly tugging at them? When it comes to these issues, I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It’s very important that your daughter be in clothes that fit her properly with hair styled appropriately. (It’s also worth mentioning that based on your daughter’s activities at school, her hair could get a bit unruly. It may not be your husband’s fault that she has a messy ponytail or tangled locks).
If speaking to your husband hasn’t solved the issue, I would start choosing her outfits in advance. You can give your husband a list for the full week, or you can choose an outfit for the next day the night before. Yes, this is more labor on your part, but it’s a way to ensure that she’s dressed more acceptably. After a few weeks, you can check in with your husband to see if he has a better idea of what to choose on his own. Hopefully at that time, you’ll be able to rely on him more for the decision making.
For her hair, keep it simple. If he can’t figure out ponytails, just ask him to make sure her hair is brushed.
If this still doesn’t solve the issue, it may be time for a more serious sit down with your husband. You’re a team when it comes to parenting, and it’s important you share the same outlooks and goals. You don’t want to feel like he’s ignoring your requests and going against your wishes. At the same time, he may have some concerns about the issue he wants to share with you. Communication is always key in these circumstances.
Think you’re overreacting about an issue involving your marriage, your kids, or your relationships? Email your questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com