In Wives and Moms’ monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think — how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
I got an email from my child’s teacher the other day. Apparently, my kid said “F*** this” under their breath during a math lesson. They’re in second grade.
I was furious. I’ve always taught my kids to respect their teachers and behave in school, and they always have. This really came out of nowhere. Both my husband and I watch our language around our kids, and outside of maybe a few random curse words they overhear, they aren’t exposed to that kind of language a lot.
I grounded my child for a month, which means no upcoming birthday parties or play dates. Obviously my child was incredibly upset and thinks it’s unfair. My husband also thinks I’m being too harsh, and we should be giving them a “warning” as opposed to a full-blown punishment.
Do you think I’m overreacting?
Signed,
No More F Words
Dear No More F Words,
It’s always concerning when our little ones start using “adult” words. I think in this instance you may be overreacting, but it’s very important to think about the context.
Let’s look at how that word was used: during a math lesson and under your child’s breath. Could it be that they’re having a hard time in the subject? What are their grades like? Have you noticed them having any trouble during homework or on tests? Your child could be incredibly frustrated that they aren’t understanding things and going on to express that frustration (albeit with words we don’t want them to use).
The “F” word wasn’t thrown as an insult to anyone, it wasn’t said loudly, aggressively or violently, and it wasn’t directed towards a person. If your child did say it in one of those ways, I would be a lot more concerned and your punishment would fit the crime.
It’s also important to remember that when our kids are in school, they’re out of our safe home environments. Your child could have picked this up from another child at school, from a YouTube video that a friend shared, from a TV show they watched with a relative, from an older sibling during a play date at someone’s house…the possible scenarios are endless. Unfortunately, we can’t keep their ears totally covered until they turn 18. They will inevitably hear this kind of language on their way to adulthood (although we certainly hope it’s not too frequent).
While I agree with your husband that the punishment for this specific situation is maybe too harsh, I also think that this deserves some parental attention. Sit down with your child and reiterate that those kinds of words are inappropriate, but also ask them why they said it. You may want to explore tutoring or even counseling for your child depending on the answer.