In Wives and Moms’ monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think — how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
My husband has a ‘work wife.’ I know that people joke around about their coworkers because of how close they can get. But I honestly had no idea about this person before I met her at their office summer barbecue. I’ll change the names for privacy, but this woman walked right up to me and introduced herself as ‘Sally – Mark’s work wife.’ And then the two of them had a good laugh.
When I asked him about it, he brushed it off like no big deal. Except now all he talks about is Sally did this and Sally did that at work. He swears it’s just a joke and nothing is going on between the two of them. But I’m not convinced. I also don’t know what I’m more mad about – him not mentioning her before the barbecue or him still referring to her as his work wife! Am I overreacting?
Signed,
Maybe I should get a work husband
Dear Maybe I Should Get a Work Husband,
You’re not overreacting — you’re reacting like someone who just had a complete stranger walk up and announce a title you didn’t know she held. “Work wife” might be a joke to them, but it landed differently for you because you weren’t in on it. And that’s the real issue here: not Sally, not the nickname, but the fact that you were blindsided.
When your husband brushed it off, he probably meant, “This isn’t romantic, it’s just office banter.” But what you heard was, “Your feelings about this don’t matter.” And that’s where the sting comes from. It’s normal to feel unsettled when someone else seems to have a whole dynamic with your partner that you didn’t know existed — especially when he suddenly can’t stop talking about her.
But here’s the good news: a “work wife” is almost always exactly what it sounds like, a coworker he jokes around with because they survive the same meetings, deadlines and office nonsense. It’s rarely anything deeper. What does matter is that he understands why the nickname bothered you and why transparency matters. A simple, honest conversation about boundaries and respect can clear this up faster than you think.
So no, you’re not overreacting. You’re just asking for the bare minimum in a marriage: to not be surprised by a relationship dynamic you didn’t know existed. And you’re allowed to say, “Hey, I need this to feel different going forward.”
Wonder if you’re overreacting? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com to be featured!