In Wives and Moms’ monthly “Am I Overreacting?” series, we answer an anonymous submission asking that question. Here’s what we think — how about you?
Dear Wives and Moms,
We’ve been married for 10 years. We have two kids in elementary school. And yes, we can forget little things each day because of their schedules. But, it’s been 10 YEARS, and my husband FORGOT our anniversary. 10 YEARS!! I thought maybe he was planning a surprise dinner or weekend getaway for the occasion, but he literally completely forgot. The day came and went, and not even a mention! When I asked him about it at bedtime, he acted like it wasn’t a big deal because we go out to dinner all the time. I couldn’t believe it! How can he forget such an important day? Am I overreacting?
Signed, Have the 10 years been for nothing?
Dear Have the 10 years been for nothing,
Short answer: No, you’re not overreacting. You’re reacting like a woman who has spent a decade loving, planning, remembering and carrying the emotional weight of a family, only to have the one day that celebrates all of that completely overlooked.
Let’s be honest – forgetting an anniversary isn’t the same as forgetting to take out the garbage. It’s a milestone and a moment that says, “We built something together, and it matters.” When your husband brushed it off with, “We go out to dinner all the time,” what you heard was, “This day isn’t special to me.” And that stings.
But here’s the other truth: forgetting doesn’t automatically mean he doesn’t care. Some partners genuinely don’t attach meaning to dates the way we do. They don’t anticipate, they don’t count down, they don’t mentally plan the way we do. That’s not because they don’t love us, but because they don’t think in “anniversaries,” they think in “everyday life.” It’s frustrating, but it’s real.
What does matter is how he responds once he realizes he hurt you. A sincere apology, an effort to make it right and a willingness to understand will tell you who he is in your marriage – not the missed date on the calendar.
So no, you’re not overreacting. You’re allowed to want to feel celebrated. You’re allowed to want your partner to remember the day you promised each other forever. And you’re allowed to say, “Hey, this mattered to me, and I need it to matter to you too.”
Ten years is not for nothing. But your feelings aren’t nothing either.
And going forward, there are simple ways to protect that special feeling without putting pressure on either of you. A few light reminders, such as a shared calendar alert, mentioning upcoming plans or talking about what you’d love to do that week, can help him show up in the way you deserve. You can also decide together what anniversaries mean to each of you so you’re not carrying the emotional load alone.
Wonder if you’re overreacting? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com to be featured!